Never Coming Home
by heartlessromantic667
Summary: Twenty-two year old Eric Forman has the perfect life; a nice house, a steady job, his high school sweetheart as his wife of two months. In January of 1983, he loses everything. Character death, short chapters. Very dark.
1. Denial

_Author's Note: Decided to write a short story that I thought of when listening to a song. There's going to be probably three or four chapters, and it's definitely going to be sad. This is my first Eric-centric fic, and it's a little weird, but I've always wanted to write one. I actually have a bunch of ideas for E/D. Chapters are also going to be short- probably between 1,000-3,000 words each. So I hope you don't mind that, either :)_

_Disclaimer: This story, all of it, is going to be extremely dark. There is character death. It takes place in January of 1983. Be warned._

_Love,_

_Angie. _

_

* * *

_

The telephone shrieked throughout the silent night of the newly-wed Forman household. Eric was rudely awakened by the shrill ring and yawned loudly. He stretched his slightly muscle-toned arms as he stumbled out of his warm king sized bed that he shared with the love of his life, Donna. Who wasn't in bed. He sighed, remembering that she had to stay late at the office working on a paper for the opening of a race track in Kenosha.

Shivering in the chilly room, Eric wriggled into his navy blue robe over his boxers before dragging his exhausted body to the hallway where the phone was. It was 1:30 in the morning; he had to work in five hours. If this was Hyde or Kelso calling again, he was going to be extremely angry. Turning on the hall light, he cautiously stepped on the carpeted floor, passed the railing to the open space near the stairs. He rubbed his eyes to adjust to the bright lights that suddenly blinded him as he wobbled sluggishly to the telephone.

"Hello?" He asked, voice hoarse from sleep.

"Eric," the 22 year old groaned in annoyance when hearing Kelso over the other line.

"Kelso, what the hell, man?" Eric barked angrily, "it's 1:30 in the friggin' morning, we have to work in like five hours!" He heard Kelso sigh heavily, and… sniffle?

"Eric, I really need to talk to you, man." Kelso sounded dead, there was no life in his voice. Eric sighed softly and decided to listen to the friend he had since first grade. If he was calling to tell him Brooke left him and took Betsy, then he probably deserved it.

"Fine, hurry up," Eric spat, resting against the pale yellow wall, holding the phone up with his right shoulder. He had his eyes closed and heard Kelso sigh shakily.

"Eric, I was called about a half hour ago about an accident down on Highway 73," Kelso began, Eric opened his eyes, and waited for Kelso to finish the story. "So, being a cop… I went down to investigate with forensics and… I threw up man. I cried and couldn't do it, I just…"

"What?" Eric asked, worry looming over his heart. Was it Brooke? Or Betsy? "Kelso, Brooke's okay, right?" he asked, voice full of worry. He heard Kelso laugh sadly, and choke back a sob.

"Yeah, they're fine… Eric, Donna was driving home, and the road was really icy-"

"No." Eric murmured, feeling a blade pierce his heart. His body turned to stone and his head swam dizzily.

"Hyde and Jackie are one the way to your house, man… Eric, I'm sorry but Donna didn't make it." Eric's throat tightened as nausea twisted within his stomach. He couldn't breathe, he was suffocating. Eric shook violently as he held the phone, his breathing loud and erratic in the mouth piece. He felt his eyes sting, yet there were no tears. "Eric, are you there?"

He couldn't respond, there was no voice. There was no voice without Donna. Kelso had to be lying; if this was some fucked up prank day he made up, he was seriously going to beat the shit out of him like never before. But Kelso wouldn't lie about this; he knew all of the problems the two of them had trying to get back together, and then, now, they finally were. Two months happily married and expecting their first child; the reason they got married, secretly. But now all of that was taken from him, by the stroke of midnight all his beauty, his perfect life was gone.

"Are you sure, Kelso?" Eric whimpered, feeling the sadness consuming him as he spoke.

"Eric…" Kelso's voice cracked. There it was. There was the truth. Kelso wouldn't be crying if he was joking; Kelso was never good at acting. The truth was in one of his closest friend's voice; Donna Pinciotti-Forman was gone forever.

Eric couldn't take it. He slammed the phone on the wall with rage, his body shaking with an unknown fury. Like he had seen Hyde do so long ago when his world was altered for the rest of his life, Eric picked up the entire phone and ripped it from the wall, then smashed it on the light brown carpeted floor.

Balling his fist, Eric pounded angrily on the wall as he screamed in agony and fury. "HOW COULD YOU?" He screamed, talking to the God he thought he believed in; yet didn't anymore. God wouldn't have taken his life from him. God wouldn't have taken Donna who had more to live for than him. She had a child within her; their child. They were going to be a family, they were going to be okay. Now all of that was torn away from him, and here he was, completely disconnected and shattered, just like the beige phone on the floor.

His vision blurred and he couldn't fight the tears anymore. Eric sank down on the floor, curled up in a tiny ball as he sobbed with anguish. His body rocked violently as he wrapped his arms tightly around his legs. How could Donna be gone? She was going to come walking through that door in ten minutes, and wake him with a "I'm sorry I'm late, love, tomorrow I'll make it up to you." And he'd hold her close in his arms and kiss her nose and tell her it was all okay, as long as he got to hold her.

But he wasn't going to be able to hold her ever again. He wasn't going to wake up with her warm, beautiful body next to his, or hear her heavy breathing as she slept. He wasn't going to see her flaming red hair or her beautiful brown eyes glittering happily as she rubbed her barely swollen stomach. Or feel her lips upon his as she kissed him feverishly when she felt frisky. Eric was never going to speak to his wife ever again. The girl he loved since he was a child. He was never going to see her alive again.


	2. Anger

_He couldn't do it._

_That's what he told them._

Eric sat silently in his parents living room the next day, shaking and empty. He didn't pay attention as his mom tearfully made the funeral arrangements with the funeral home. Bob and Midge tried to help, yet they couldn't bear to call the funeral home and "order a casket for their daughter." It wasn't natural. It wasn't right. Donna wasn't supposed to die. She was supposed to be right there with him, smiling and kissing him on his cheek, holding his hand. Telling her parents that nothing was wrong, everything would be okay. She wouldn't have to tell them that if she were alive; she'd be telling them about her pregnancy instead. That they had everything figured out and that they would be fine. But now he was alone, and everything was definitely not fine.

Hyde and Jackie had stayed with him the entire night; Jackie sobbing uncontrollably and Hyde had no zen whatsoever, this was the first time Hyde showed so much emotion. And they had stayed there, trying to make sure Eric was okay, to keep him company, to just fucking be there, but he was alone. There was no one there. They tried their best but they weren't Donna; the two of them couldn't replace the hole in his heart. No one ever could.

Eric sat on the couch in the living room, his legs curled to his chest as he stared at the wall ahead of him. This home was almost as bad as his. He couldn't live at his house anymore; the house he and Donna purchased and renovated together to suit their comforts. He couldn't do it. But being back with his parents only brought the memories back. The Vista Cruiser where they had their first kiss, where they broke up, where he confessed his love of cake. The countless make out sessions. The comfort and the cuddling and the kisses. The convenience of living next door to each other. All of those memories of Donna stabbed at his brain and he couldn't think, he couldn't sleep, whenever he closed his eyes, he saw her. When he glanced to his side, he saw her curled up next to him.

"Eric," The twenty two year old hesitantly glanced up and stared at his father who stood in front of him. "Are you sure you want me to take you?" he asked, his voice sensitive, which Eric wasn't used to. He nodded slowly and Red sighed heavily, smiled sadly at his son.

"Dad… she's really gone, isn't she?" Eric whimpered, he heard his father breath shakily and nod.

"I'm sorry, son, but she is… are you sure you can handle it?" No. he couldn't handle the death, but that's not what he was talking about. Taking a deep breath, Eric nodded and stood up. Father and son stared at each other, Eric wasn't sure what to do. He had to be a man, had to be strong, but he was sure that if his dad lost his mom, that would be enough to kill him as well. But Eric didn't have to do a thing. He felt an arm on his shoulder and realized that his dad was trying his best to show compassion and support, and that was enough. Eric felt tears sting his eyes and he glanced at his dad, embarrassed as the tears fell. "It's okay to cry, Eric." That was it. His shoulders shook as he broke down on his dad, his forehead resting on his father's shoulder. He felt Red's grip tighten on his shoulder, his silent way of comforting him.

"I want to go, dad," he whispered through his tears, "please take me?"

"Only if you know you can." Red finally mumbled, patting his son's shoulder.

"I have to." Red smiled feebly at his son, and took a deep breath to swallow his emotions. The two men walked to the front door, both unsure of what was to be seen. As they zipped their winter coats, Red looked at his son.

"I'm proud of you, Eric," he mumbled, slipping on his black gloves. Eric just stared at his father in awe; he had to choose this moment, when he lost everything rather than had all that he could to be proud of him. The only reason why Eric was still standing was because he had to do this one thing. He just wanted to die; he couldn't continue without her. But he didn't say anything, he just silently followed his father to the Toyota, trying to avoid the Vista Cruiser parked in the garage.

* * *

Eric couldn't believe this. He had been trying to deny it; pass this all off as a horrible dream, or maybe he dipped into the circle that he hadn't had in a year. It couldn't have been real… until now. Now the disgusting truth was right in front of his face; Donna was dead. Donna was fucking dead and she was laying right in front of him.

She was still beautiful. But it didn't look like her. There was no life within her. Her eye lids were sunken, her skin looked waxy; this couldn't be her. They had just made a mannequin replication of her. But it was, he had to believe it. Her red hair was splayed on the metal gurney that she laid on. Her skin was too white and fake, wax looking. Donna looked so peaceful, like she was sleeping. But her chest wasn't moving with every inhale and exhale. She was gone. She was truly gone. This was as real as it got. There was no more convincing himself of silly excuses.

He touched her hand; it felt like ice. The feeling of her cold skin felt disgusting to him, but all he wanted to do was hold her hand. His warm fingers traced hers, and as he neared her ring finger, his breath caught tighter and tighter in his throat. The small diamond engagement and wedding rings sparkled on her finger; the only reminder of what had been. That this life he had with her for two months wasn't a dream. He squeezed her hand once more before letting go and his shoulders quivered with sobs.

His eyes moved to her stomach that was now flat, instead of barely showing the baby bump. That life within her was theirs; and now it was gone, just like her. He had nothing of her except memories. The very thought made him sick to his stomach as the gnawing sensation of knowing she was dead passed through his head, his heart, his veins.

"Dad?" he asked, glancing behind him. Red was giving his son time to himself with Donna, while he talked with the coroner about what exactly happened. Eric didn't want to know. He ignored the bruises on her face, the swollen area of her collar bone where her collar bone had broken. The jutting of her jaw that had broken, or the slight turn of her neck that wasn't natural. He ignored all of that. Eric wanted to preserve her, remember her how he knew her; not this frail, lifeless form of her. She looked so small. "What happened to the baby?" Eric, still holding Donna's hand turned around and faced the coroner and his father who were still in conversation.

"The fetus was only four months developed, so when your wife died, the baby also died." Eric nodded; he knew that.

"Yes, but… what did you do with it?" He asked. Eric didn't want to see it, he just wanted to know… what happened to it. It was his son or daughter, his son or daughter who never had a chance at life.

"We performed a cesarean to remove the fetus from her, we were just discussing whether your family would want to just dispose of it, or give it a proper burial along with the mother." Eric turned to his father, his breathing erratic as he looked at the older man.

"I think what's best is-"

"It's not up to you, dad! It's my child, I get to decide!" Eric barked, for the first time emotion rang through his voice. Red sighed softly and pursed his lips, nodding.

"I was going to say, I thought we should have a funeral for the baby, also." Eric relaxed; that's what he wanted. To prove that he was going to be a father. That he did have a family. But they were taken from him by some twist of fate. Eric nodded then stood awkwardly in between the table and the two men, unsure of what to do.

"Eric, when we get home, I need you to call Steven, we need him for something." Eric stared at his dad quizzically, wondering why it had to be _Hyde_ rather than _him._ It was for _his_ wife, and _his _child. It was up to_ him_ to do everything; he should be making the arrangements, he should be figuring out all that needed to be figured out, but he couldn't. The thought of buying a casket for his wife made him sick. She was only twenty two years old!

"For what?" Eric asked, as the coroner led them from the room. Red sighed and turned from his son, Eric grimaced and rolled his eyes. He glanced back at the room once more, stared at the beautiful girl who lay broken on the table, and paused.

His mind was playing tricks on him, but he swore he saw her breathing. He thought that about his grandma and grandpa when they both died, and now he was thinking that about his wife. She was dead, but he was wishing so badly that she breathed at least one more breath. He felt tears burn his eyes and he bit his lip.

"I love you Donna Marie," Eric whispered, then dragged himself up the stairs of the Kenosha General Hospital.

* * *

"Eric,"

The twenty-two year old glanced up at his oldest friend, Hyde who stood next to him. Eric just shook his head, knowing that when Hyde used real names for people, for him, it was important. But he didn't want to hear it. Whatever Hyde had to say wouldn't be heard, Eric would just ignore him and scream at him until the other twenty-two year old left.

"How... are you-"

"Hyde, seriously, just shut the fuck up." Eric snapped angrily, spinning his head around and glaring darkly at Hyde. "Don't tell me you're sorry. Don't tell me it's going to be all right because it's not. My wife, she fucking died, man! Donna, my best friend, my wife, the only girl I have ever fucking loved, she's fucking dead and she's not going to come back. And all your sorry sympathy bull shit isn't going to make a damn difference, man. You of all people, man? You try to come here and open me up? I'm not gonna talk man, I'm not gonna cry, or anything. I just don't feel anything, man." His eyes found Hyde's, blood shot and heavily bagged; the man looked so much older than his barely two decades. He probably looked worse. They all probably looked like hell, he just couldn't see. He couldn't see passed his anger, his misery, his numb.

"Do you remember when she rented the mobile home for you two? When you going to get married the first time?" Eric glanced at Hyde, his voice sounded vacant, as he remembered something. Eric didn't want to see this memory. He didn't want to remember what he lost. He shouldn't have ran when they were first supposed to get married. They would have had more time. They could have had a child, and the life that they were supposed to. He shouldn't have broken up with her when he left to go to Africa. He shouldn't have gone to Africa. He should have stayed with Donna and married her, and loved her every moment of every day. Like she did for him. "She told me, she told me man, that the only reason why she bought it was 'cause she knew you two could do it. She absolutely hated it. But she knew it would strengthen your relationship. Donna, man, Donna knew that you two could always make it, through the good times and the bad times. And look what you went through. You abandoned her at the aisle, but you came back and she forgave you. You guys were always the couple, if anyone made it, it was going to be you two. And man, she's gone... y'know. But... she still loves you, man. And this is the bad times coming back to haunt you. But she'd want you to... get out of them. Get back to the good. If anyone can, you can, Eric." Eric turned to Hyde, feeling the sting at his eyes and took a shaky breath.

"Man, what the hell?" He whimpered. "I can't... I can't live without Donna. This wasn't supposed to happen."

"Forman, tons of shit in life isn't supposed to happen. But it does. Donna, man, she was my best friend, too. And fuck, it kills, man. We're all grieving and hurting in different ways, man. But we all hurt. Don't make this an 'I hurt more,' war, 'cause damn, we all hurt man. We all lost the one girl who held us together. She helped Jackie and I stay together. She helped Kelso and I stay friends. She even helped Fez and Tina. And yes, you two were in love, but we all loved her. You're not alone, man."

"Shut up, SHUT UP!" Eric screamed, standing up. "Who are you to fucking talk? Don't give me this 'you're not alone, we're here for you' bull shit, you fucking hypocrite! All you do is push people away and you're calling me the martyr?"  
"Eric, you need to-"

Eric couldn't take it. He had lost it. Hearing Hyde try to reason all of this and make everyone feel the same way. He was a fucking robot! He didn't feel a damn thing and yet he was trying to make it all equal. Eric glared at Hyde and in a moment's time, swung a sharp fist into his jaw. Then he lost it completely. He had caught Hyde off guard and beat him to the ground, his fists flew faster than Hyde could defend himself, and Eric couldn't stop himself.

"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU, HYDE! I FUCKING HATE YOU!" Eric roared, his eyes red with anger. His face was hot and his body was fired up from his sudden attack. He couldn't control himself; even as Hyde knocked him down, and pinned him to the ground. He felt Hyde's broad hands pin his forearms down on the cement basement floor, and he had put most of his weight on his legs. Hyde just stared down at Eric in awe, face swelling quickly, and nose and lip dripping with blood.

"No you don't, Eric," Hyde calmly spoke, as he looked right at Eric. "You don't hate me. You're just angry at the world. You're angry because you lost Donna and you're taking it out on me. Well that's okay, man. You've got every right to be angry."  
"Shut up!" Eric screamed, trying to push Hyde off of him, but the younger of the two was much stronger than him.  
"Eric, Steven, what is going-" Mrs. Forman gasped as she stared at the mess on the floor; a bloody Hyde holding a sweaty, mad Eric to the floor. He turned his head to his mom and breathed slowly. "Red!"

"Forman, are you gonna be calm?" Hyde asked, Eric just glared up at him, and felt Hyde slowly let go of his arms. Eric stayed calm for a moment. But he couldn't handle Hyde's sudden preaching. Hyde was trying to shove all of this apathy as if it was normal. Eric lunged once more at Hyde, ignored his mom's scream, and shoved Hyde to the ground.

"Donna never loved you, Hyde!" Eric screamed, seething with fury as he punched him right in the mouth. His other hand wrapped tightly around his neck, and shoved Hyde's head to the cement, earning a loud smack.

"ERIC!" He didn't stop as he heard his father yell, or the footsteps of others that pounded on the wooden stairs. Hyde was right; he was taking it out on him. He was angry at everything and everyone and Hyde was his victim. He honestly tried to stop but his anger consumed him; he wasn't Eric anymore. Not the never violent, kind, sensitive guy. That was only because of Donna. Now he was Eric- angry, bitter, violent. And he was taking it out on the man who was practically the king of all apathy and negativity.

A pair of hands grabbed his shoulders and pulled him roughly back from an unconscious Hyde. Eric glanced down at his balled fists and felt his lip quiver. Blood covered his hands. He glanced behind him and saw Kelso, in police-mode, pulling him back and pinning him so he couldn't move.

"Eric, what the hell?" Kelso cried, nodding to where Kitty and Jackie were kneeling.

"I lost it," he mumbled, "I'm losing it man," Kelso sighed softly and shook his head, still holding Eric to protect himself and everyone else.

"You need help, Forman," Kelso spoke. "You better be glad I don't arrest you for assault." Eric shook his head, his stomach sick from what he had just done. He had just beaten his best friend. He had taken everything out on Hyde who had only been trying to help. He had been angry, but... Hyde didn't deserve that.

"Eric Albert Forman just what in God's name were you thinking?" The sound of his father's voice only brought him to the harsh reality. His parents never used his middle name; even as a kid and teen. "You knocked out your best friend for what? Trying to talk some sense into you? Your mother sent him down to talk to you. Would you have done that to your own mother, Eric?" Eric's chest heaved and his head swam with nausea. Would he have? He honestly didn't know the answer.

"No, sir," Eric whispered uneasily.

"Then what gave you the idea to fight Steven?"  
"He-"

"Don't give me any excuse, Eric, because there is none. You need to learn how to deal with your emotions. Yes, you lost your wife, but that doesn't give you any right to do this," Red pointed to Hyde, who was still unconscious, and a sobbing Jackie.

* * *

Eric stared out of his bedroom window an hour later, his heart aching as his eyes met the house across the street. Years ago, he stared into that window to try and get a glimpse of his high school sweetheart. Years ago, Donna had climbed into his room from this very same window just to cuddle with him. Now she was in the morgue. And he was ice.

What had happened to him? They had taken Hyde to the hospital; because he had a possible concussion and he had lost four teeth, and had a broken nose. He had stayed behind because he was so sick of himself. As he stared across the street with dead eyes, he sighed softly.  
"What would Donna do if it had been me?" He asked himself out loud, gazing at her window.

Donna would be grieving just as bad as him. But she would be stronger. She would find a way to move on from the pain, she wouldn't have beaten up anyone in anger. Donna would internally kill herself over and over, but she'd put on her best smile and act like everything was... okay. There was no way he could do that.

He hadn't meant to do this to Hyde; who would now probably hate him. He was out of control, he was an animal who had lost all of his mind and completely ripped into the closest person. Eric was absolutely terrified; what if his mom had been the one to go downstairs. Would he have done the same as her?

"No," he told himself, over and over as he rocked on his bed. How insane was he becoming? What if this was just the beginning? What if someone angered him and he did... worse? Eric shook his head and collapsed on the bed, his head buried deep in the pillow._ 'This was just a one time thing,'_ he reassured himself. _'It will never happen again.'_ Slowly, Eric's stinging eyes shut in a hopeful attempt that this was just some awful nightmare and he'd wake up holding Donna. But there was no use in living in denial.


	3. Bargaining

**_Hello all, I decided to update this story before HICTB because it would help with my writer's block. Be warned, this one is very dark. I hope you enjoy!_**

**_Love,_**

**_Angie_**

* * *

Blue. It was the color of sadness, in different shades, of different depths. Blue was Eric's eye color, now faded to a dull gray. Blue was the color of death's attire- every funeral he had attended, the person at rest was wearing blue. Blue suits, blue dresses, blue pants, shirts, blue everything. Blue was the color of Donna's dress; long ago at their first prom, and her final gown. Blue was the color of Eric's suit.

The young man stood in front of the full length mirror, buttoning the overcoat and tucking in his white long sleeved cuffs. He sighed woefully and felt his eyes wander to his left hand's reflection. The ring he had first worn only a few months ago lay glittering, reminding him of his promise. "Til death do us part." Well, death wasn't supposed to happen this soon.

His stomach felt nauseous as he stared at his figure, he was wasting away. Eric hadn't slept or eaten in days. His eyes stung from the lack of sleep and dryness- he couldn't cry anymore. His sadness had turned into disgust, guilt, and anger. All at himself. The deep ache of sorrow was still there, but buried deep, covering it was how he felt about himself. He was becoming a monster.

After he attacked Hyde, after everyone left to take him, he gathered his things and drove away, drove to Kenosha and left a note. And though it had only been a day, he needed to be away from them. Eric couldn't face his friends and family; he didn't want to see what he had done to Hyde, he didn't want to hear their disappointment, or deal with their sympathy or anger. He just wanted to be alone.

He couldn't forget the nightmare he had last night, as he tried to sleep. It still dug into his brain, like a parasite trying to take control of his mind, his body, everything. Eric had seen Donna, not the Donna he knew. But a ravaged, torn apart Donna; inside and out. Her skin lost its tone, it was more of a gray and dull. Her eyes lost the flame, her tangled and faded. There was no sign of life within her, yet she stood, and she breathed, and walked and spoke.

"_Eric," She had called, voice echo-y and hollow, it chilled him to the bone. "Why are you doing this to yourself? Where is the man I know?"_

"_He's gone!" He had heard himself cry with the same distant echo. _

"_No he's not, Eric, you can't do this to yourself, to your parents, and our friends. You have to go back, please Eric?"_

"_Go back?" _

He didn't understand what it had meant. Seeing the love of his life like that, like a ghost terrified him. That wasn't Donna, and in that dream, that wasn't him. But what did she mean? What did she mean to go back?

Eric needed to see her again. And not the mock Donna in his dream, not the figment of his imagination. And not his wife lying in the coffin.

He started shaking, at first it was just his fingers, shaking from nerves and fear. But then his body started quivering, up to his shoulders, and he collapsed on the floor, in a fit of dry sobs and screams that practically shattered the paper thin walls of the motel he was staying at. He needed Donna, he needed to see her, the real her, yet there was no way of doing that.

Then it dawned on him, suddenly. Like a light bulb lighting inside of his head. The shaking stopped, and he silenced immediately. Then, he started laughing. Not a genuine laugh, but crazed, like a madman in a mental institution. He was hysterical, delirious from exhaustion and starvation, yet his plan seemed perfect. He figured out what 'go back' had meant, and the sound of her voice, repeating like a skipping record permeated his mind.

_Go back. Go back. Go back. Go back. _

_

* * *

_

Eric's heart pounded furiously in his brain as he stepped up the church steps. He didn't understand why Bob and Midge had chosen for her funeral to be at Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow, as she wasn't Catholic. Yet as he stood in front of the massive building, and gaze up at the large, pointed steeple, he found it to be quite beautiful. Maybe this is where Donna would want to have her ceremony.

'_No, she didn't want it, she wasn't supposed to die!' _Eric screamed at himself inwardly, which caused the twenty-two year old to scowl ominously and shake his head.

Inside this church, he knew his mom and dad would be there, his aunts and uncles, and even Laurie. And not only that, but the people he feared to see the most; his friends. He didn't want to face Kelso or Fez's outrage, or Jackie's lashing tongue. He didn't want to see the damage he had done to his best friend. But he had to. If he was going to attend the visitation, the wake, and the funeral, then he'd have to deal with this minor problem. Besides, this would be one of the last few times he'd see them all.

Taking a deep breath, Eric pushed open the doors and dragged his weary self into the church. Instantly he was greeted with warmth and flickering lights from thousands of candles. Soft music was playing over the speakers in the church, instead of hymns, it was some of Donna's favorite songs. He had walked in at the wrong moment… why couldn't it had been Led Zeppelin? Why did it have to be this song?

"_Won't you tell me what you're thinking of? Would you be an outlaw for my love? If it's so, well, let me know. If it's "no," well, I can go. I won't make you."_

He couldn't believe it… why "Thirteen," why when he walked in? As much as he wanted to, Eric couldn't run, he was already in there, there was no other option. Mentally turning on his selective hearing, Eric bit his lip and slowly walked into the church.

It was beautiful. He was sure that if Donna were here, she'd say the same thing… if it had been for something else. Candles hanging from chandeliers were lit, guiding him toward the altar. Pews were full of people, old classmates, some of Donna's co-workers, college peers, teachers, professors, her family, her parents, Tina and Valerie, his family, his coworkers, teachers, professors. Bob, Midge, Red, and Kitty were huddled together, each man holding their wife and former wife, while the four of them tried their hardest not to cry. People who knew each other talked and cried with one another, some people stood at the open casket, there was a line of people waiting to say their final words before the funeral.

As he looked around, he couldn't see the five people he wanted to see the most, and the least at the same time. His friends were nowhere to be found. Eric's stomach fell, yet his heart suddenly lost twenty pounds and he sighed softly. He wanted to go unseen, by everyone. He didn't want to hear anymore pity, any more condolence. This wasn't his time to grieve, it was everyone here who needed time. So he stood in the back, leaning against the wall, silently watching everyone.

Suddenly, Eric saw Fez and Kelso, both in clad black, walk up to the altar from the priest's entrance. Both of them had hardened jaws and folded hands as the stood in front of everyone with blood shot eyes and such somber expressions. He had never seen those two men appear so depressed. After all… they were Fez and Kelso.

"Excuse me, everyone!" Fez cried, gathering the attention of the large group of mourners. "Kelso and I would like to share some news with each of you." Kelso raised his hand to his mouth and cleared his throat before speaking.

"Hello everyone…" he chuckled sadly, "it wasn't supposed to be me up here, but… the other guy he's… anyway, first of all, this in the Pinciotti's and Forman's behalf, as they themselves couldn't do this. We would all like to thank you for coming and uh… being here for one another at this devastating time. All of us have just lost an amazing person. Donna, she was one of my best friends, she was Eric's only love, his high school sweetheart. Bob and Midge loved her so much and Red and Kitty, she was like their second daughter. Some of us knew her more than others, but we all knew she was strong, and smart, and an amazing young woman. Donna, she was like my sister. You know, we all were 'the gang' during high school. But I remember, one day, in sophomore year… after Fez came along and all," Kelso paused and lightly punched the young man standing next to him. "We were all just sitting and talking about how we were like siblings. And well, Hyde, the one who knew everything was like 'have you ever heard of the blood ceremony?' So he told us about how kids who were all best friends would prick themselves with a needle or something and they'd all touch their wounds together, so they'd actually become blood brothers or blood sisters. And Donna, she jumped up and said "let's do it!" Long story short, she was like my little sister. And it kills me to see her, right here, you know… gone. She had so much going for her, like the little guy, and she just got married to Eric," Kelso glanced to the back and caught his eye, "and she had a great job. She was the one who was going to make it, and now here we are, wondering what the hell we're going to do, because you know, she's gone." Kelso's voice broke as he started to lightly shake. Fez patted his shoulder and wiped away his own tears. "But here's to Donna!" Kelso cried, pulling up his sleeve and showed off his forearm, where an inch long scar was barely visible. "Here's to my little sister, our best friend, our lovable classmate, a brilliant writer, a beautiful wife, daughter, and sister." Kelso finished, both laughing and crying as Fez and him both hugged.

The church was full of sniffles and quiet sobs as people cried from both remembering Donna and hearing Kelso speak. Eric was in total awe as Kelso and Fez walked down the altar and towards him. He had never heard his friend speak like that. And it was perfect. Kelso was meant to do that. Eric took a heavy breath and closed his eyes momentarily before making his way to meet his two friends.

"Oh Eric," Fez whimpered, running up and squeezing the young man in a tight hug. "We were so worried about you."

"I'm glad you came, buddy," Kelso murmured, smiling down at him, Eric strained to lift the corners of his lips, but he just couldn't smile."Kelso… you did good up there. And I'm sorry, for everything, both of you." Eric mumbled, gazing at the floor.

"Thanks, man, but you shouldn't be apologizing to us, you know." Eric stared at Kelso.

"Hyde man, you gotta apologize to Hyde!" Eric nodded and turned his head all around, searching for his curly haired friend.

"Where is he?" Kelso and Fez both locked eyes and were silent for a few moments before turning back to Eric. "Fez, Kelso, I didn't hurt him that bad, did I?" Kelso shrugged his shoulders."He's at home, Eric," Fez informed.

"Why isn't he here?" Eric asked, turning to Kelso for a full answer.

"Eric, you gave him a concussion and he lost like… four teeth last night. And well, last night was pretty late for all of us. We got back around five and you weren't there. So we looked for awhile while Kitty and Jackie stayed with Hyde.""Oh man…" Eric whimpered, Kelso shook his head.

"He's slept most of the day, but he woke up enough for Kitty to ask him some questions… he's suffering from memory damage and we're hoping it's just temporary." Eric felt sick as Kelso continued to speak. He had done this to his best friend, his best friend who had only been trying to help him.

"How bad?" Now both of them were silent, not wanting to answer that question. "Guys, how bad?"

"He doesn't even remember proposing to Jackie, that was over five months ago…" Fez quietly answered. Eric gulped.

"Does he remember…" He didn't even have to finish his question before Kelso and Eric shook his head. "Oh God, guys… I have to go!"

"Don't leave!" Fez squeaked.

"I'm going to see Hyde," Erick mumbled, then took off out of the church.

* * *

Eric couldn't believe what he had done. He was never a violent person, he had never gotten that angry. It was all his fault that Hyde was like this. He wasn't even Hyde… he was beyond vulnerable and really weak. Whenever Eric looked over at his best friend, he felt like throwing up. He was covered in bruises, his jaw was swollen, and he was so confused.

Jackie had been sitting next to him, running her hand through his hair as he slept, and when he walked in she tensed and glared up at him. The two had talked for a few minutes, he had begged for her forgiveness, and finally she gave in, saying words Donna had said to her when Hyde tried the same thing with Jackie, after she and Fez broke up and Sam was gone.

"There's no use in holding grudges, Eric, what happened, happened, and there is no avoiding it." She had told him, then stood up to get each of them something to drink.

Now he was left here with a sleeping Hyde and he didn't know what to do. Was he supposed to wake him? Or just sit there?

"Eric?" The man in question jumped in alarm and turned to where the voice had come from. He met eyes with Hyde who stared at him curiously. "Why are you all dressed up? They told me you and Donna already got married." Then he laughed softly.

The wedding. Eric felt a knot tighten in his throat as he quickly shook his head. He didn't know what to do, what to say.

"No, you were there," Eric finally mumbled, "you were my best man, remember?" Hyde sighed softly and looked up at Eric with hurt eyes. He could now understand the use of the sunglasses.

"Eric," he wasn't calling him Forman, "I'm sorry, man, the accident totally fucked up my memory. I'm glad I was there, though. Best man? Wicked."

Accident? What accident? Eric looked at Hyde curiously; is that what they had told him? He couldn't do this, he couldn't be with Hyde, he couldn't deal with this… what he had done to Hyde, and the victim didn't even know. It was torture.

Eric stood up and headed towards the door.

"Forman, where are you going?" Hyde asked, finally, the last name. Eric sighed softly and turned around.

"I have to do something, I'll be back."

But that was a lie.

After hearing the clueless Hyde reply, Eric shut the door to his old room and ran to his parent's bathroom. Closing and locking the door, he rushed to the medicine cabinet and opened it.

This is what Donna was talking about. This is what she meant. As Eric opened the bottle of his mom's sleeping medicine, he poured out all of the pills in his hand. The little purple and blue tablets spilled on the floor; the ones he had in his hand were more than enough. Shoving the handful of medicine in his mouth, he turned on the water faucet and cupped his hands to catch the water. He guzzled down the water as well as the pills and curled on the floor.

Suicide? He hadn't pegged himself as the type to do it. But he couldn't live without Donna, he couldn't deal with the pain and the hurt that he felt crushing him. Eric couldn't live with this potential permanent damage he had done to his best friend. It was painless, everyone would be better off, especially him.

He didn't know how much time had passed. Each minute droned on longer and longer as he felt exhaustion begin to wave over him, at first, gradual, yet as the pills took effect, it crashed like a tidal wave. Closing his eyes, he smiled, the first smile in a long time, as he saw Donna. The real Donna.

"Eric! Eric open the door! Eric, come back! Let me in!" Jackie's shrill cry mixed with Donna's lulling voice, and he faded out of consciousness.


	4. Depression

_**Author's Note: So sorry for the delay! I've been so busy and I've been updating HICTB more often and finally I was like "you know what, it's time for NCH to get some spotlight." So I decided to type this bad boy up and oh my God I just sounded like my geometry teacher. Bleh. Anyway, since I've been sick the past two days I've been writing and typing like crazy and this is the product of that! Hope this was worth the wait.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Angie**_

* * *

"Eric, wake up..." Her familiar voice sang through the darkness, lulling him farther and farther from consciousness and reality. Or what he thought was reality.

He felt warm. So warm, and his heart and soul felt light and happy for the first time in what seemed like years. The constant ache and misery that consumed him was gone; almost as if it had never plagued him at all.

It felt like a warm sun ray was shining all around Eric. Like the bright soft heat that bore upon him was melting away the inner prison that tortured him endlessly. It was like the cage had finally opened, and he was free. Free! And happy.

"Eric, wake up!" That beautiful voice sounded more urgent than playful. A light shove on his arm caused his eyes to shoot open. He froze.

There she was. The love of his life... staring down at him with such adoration with a slight amount of fear. Tears stung his dry blood-shot eyes and his throat tightened, restricting all words.

Donna was here; alive! It had all just been a dream! They were in their bedroom, the January sun shone brightly through the curtains. Everything was exactly how it had been earlier that night, before she left to finish her column. But she had come home after all.

The large drops fell from Eric's blue eyes and began to roll down his cheek. He shivered as Donna's index finger wiped them away one by one and she smiled wistfully at him.

"Donna... oh my God!" He finally choked out. "I had the worst dream, nightmare. You died and Kelso called me and fuck it was all-"

"Eric! Listen to me!" Donna barked. Her voice wasn't hollow and distant like in his other dream- this had to be real. "I'm so sorry, Eric... but this-" she paused, turned to look at the room, then pointed to herself. "Isn't real. You overdosed on your dad's pain killers. This is all just your imagination, I did die, Eric. And I'm sorry for all of this pain you are going-"

"NO!" Eric screamed, leaping off of the bed. "No, Donna, no...! Please, stop meg around, this isn't a dream!" Donna sighed and ran a hand through her wavy auburn hair.

"Eric, please listen to me?" She half begged, half yelled. "I'm sorry, but you're about to die of an overdose and I'm not about to let that happen to you, too. Our friends need you!"

"But Donna, I need YOU! I can't lie without you! We were going to grow old together, we were going to see the world!"

"You can still do that, I will always, always be with you, Eric Forman. I'll be right there with you, I promised and I'm not breaking it. But you need to wake up. Please, love, please? For me?" Both of them were crying now. Eric couldn't believe this; this was the dream? This was all in his head? It seemed so real, too real.

"Donna, none of them need me; they hate me. Look, what I did to Hyde, he can't... he hates me," Eric fought, although he was sure he was going to lose this final argument with Donna. She laughed and smiled sadly at him, her fingers twining with his.

"Hyde? Hate you? Eric, he could never hate you; he understands why you did it. He's lost people too, you know. You're his best friend, and he'd feel so guilty if you died. Please... go back? It'll get better, Eric. Please?"

He couldn't go back. Eric couldn't live without Donna. She was always there. His one constant was taken out of his life, and now it was all chaos. He couldn't do this alone... he needed her.

"Eric," She murmured, wiping away his tears. "I love you, I will always love you." He smiled as his shoulders quaked with violent sobs. He didn't think he'd ever hear that again.

"I love you too, Donna. God, I love-" He was interrupted by the sweetest kiss she had ever given him. He closed his eyes as he kissed her soft lips for the final time.

"No!" he cried as he was swallowed once more into that pitch black darkness. He was falling, falling...

"Eric, Eric, please, SOMEBODY!" He heard Jackie's blood curdling scream nearly stop his blood. Loud pounding followed suit, which brought him slowly back to consciousness.

"Eric, please? Oh my God... what am I going to do?" Jackie began to ramble, pace, then pound on the door in that specific order, repeatedly. "I can't call anyone, they're all busy, I should call 911, or the hospital, but he'll have to go in for rehab and treatment and then counseling and he won't want that, but he needs it if he tried to kill himself. ERIC WAKE UP? Please?" His eyes slowly fluttered open as he heard her desperate plea.

Eric groaned, his head throbbed painfully against his skull and he felt clammy. His stomach flipped and contorted violently, and he quickly dragged himself to the toilet. It felt like there was an anvil weighing him down and pulling him back, and his movements were all so slow it seemed. Yet finally his fingers curled on the edge of the toilet bowl and he hoisted himself up enough until his cheek could rest on the porcelain. As his mouth parted, bile and vomit expelled from his stomach and burned his throat as he retched.

This was killing him. This constant tugging and pulling of fantasy and reality. It was leading him on and ripping him off and he was sick and tired of it all. He just wanted to be left alone until the day he died.

But he wasn't alone; the loud banging on the door was proof of that. He'd go and open the door if he could, but right now his main priority was to stop vomiting. Jackie's should be taking care of Hyde or sleeping, or even going to Donna's wake. Not trying to see if he was okay. He didn't matter... if anything he'd gradually waste away to nothing.

"Eric? Open the door!" Jackie cried, turning the knob with such fury he was sure it would fall off. He opened his mouth to reply, yet all that came out was the contents of his stomach. "Oh God..." He heard the soft thudding of feet move away from the door and he sighed with relief. Wiping his brow, he spit a stream of saliva into the toilet and tried breathing through his nose. His stomach muscles twitched and ached and he felt ready to pass out once more, but that was only because of the pills.

Eric jumped at the sound of wood cracking, and his head shot to the door. He watched as one of the hinges was unscrewed and wiped his mouth. As he flushed the toilet, a loud bang was heard, and he turned to the doorway.

His eyes met Jackie who appeared like a mad woman; her hair was frizzled and her eyes were nearly bugged out of her sockets. Her skin was pale and her face was blotchy. The young woman zipped up to him and embraced him in a hug. Eric felt her body quake with heavy sobs and he sighed heavily, mind still a little fuzzy. Slowly, Eric glanced back up and saw Hyde leaning on the wall, screw in hand as his other rested against his head.

"Eric, what the fuck?" Jackie finally screamed, hitting him repeatedly. She pulled away and glared at him, then raised her hand to slap him. "What did you do? Why would you scare me, us like that? We already lost Donna and we can't lose you, too, you dumbass!"

"I'm sorry," Eric whispered, Jackie scoffed darkly.

"Sorry? You're sorry? Eric you could have died; I always knew you were an idiot. But being selfish is my job. What would Donna say?" Eric looked into her tired eyes and felt his heart twinge at that.

"She'd say I'm being a dillhole," Eric chuckled sadly as he finally spoke. Jackie's lips curled upwards as she laughed softly.

"She would," Jackie stood up and outstretched her hand for him take. "Come on, I didn't spend my summer at the hospital doing nothing, you know." Jackie barked, shoving him slightly to walk out of the bathroom. She latched her arm around Hyde's waist and helped him walk with her to Eric's room. Eric couldn't even look at his best friend who looked about ready to pass out as well. God... he had hurt everyone somehow...

As Eric sat on his bed, Jackie pulled up a chair and ordered Hyde to sit in it, and after her fiancee gave her a glare, he followed her command.

"Steven, can you make sure he doesn't do anything stupid while I find Mrs. Forman's medical supplies?" When Hyde nodded, she smiled, kissed his cheek, and zipped out the door. Eric bit his lip, feeling awkward that it was now the two of them.

But the silence was nice. Although Hyde was in the room, it was now like he was practically alone. The guy was about to fall asleep, or it seemed that way, anyway. Eric sighed heavily and stared up at his ceiling.

"Forman," Hyde finally murmured. "Why'd you do it?" Eric turned to his best friend, who just looked confused. His mom and Jackie had completely messed with Hyde by telling him he was in an accident. He'd be so confused... and he deserved the truth.

"Hyde, you weren't in an accident." Eric barked, glancing at the doorway to make sure Jackie wasn't coming. He turned to his friend, who didn't look affected by this news, in fact, he looked relieved. "I need to tell you something, and you gotta stay calm, okay?" Hyde nodded; staying calm was easy for him. "Don't talk until I'm finished either." Once again, a nod. "Three days ago, Kelso called me and I thought he was just messing around... well, he tells me there was an accident on highway 73, and when he got there, it was Donna..." Eric paused, letting the information he had given Hyde so far sink in. He watched as Hyde's eyes grew from confused to hazy, like he already knew. "And... she died." Eric looked for any sign of anger or hurt or sadness, but he saw none. Hyde looked as calm as ever. Too calm.

"Why did they say I was in the accident?" Eric noted the lisp in Hyde's voice caused by the missing teeth; that was probably why he refrained from talking as much as possible. Sighing heavily, Eric turned to face Hyde.

"The next day, I got angry, you were trying to help me, and I understand that now. But I was just so angry, I didn't want to hear you tell me that it was all gonna be okay, so I hit you. I beat you and I couldn't stop man. You held me down but then I knocked you out and... I did this to you, Hyde. And I'm sorry!" Eric watched Hyde, waiting for some reaction. He waited for the screaming and the yelling, to be beaten up and he deserved it. Yet all he got was a sad smile.

"It's cool, man." Hyde finally mumbled, "but... she's really...?" Eric nodded and watched Hyde grimace. "And I don't even remember..."

At that, Eric was jealous. He was so glad that Hyde didn't remember. All he wanted to was to forget, to not know, to not remember. And Hyde had the easy way out. He didn't remember that night, or the fight, or anything. He was clueless, and that's exactly how Eric wanted to be.

Hyde wasn't going to show any emotions towards Donna's death, Eric knew that. But it seemed like he didn't even care, the way he just sat their, in a calm silence. Maybe he was in his own kind of shock... maybe he didn't care.

Just then, Jackie came into the room with a glass and bowl in her hands. When she set down the bowl, Eric attempted to peer inside, yet the room was too dark to identify anything.

"Eric, you have to drink this. It'll absorb what's left of the drugs in your system so it won't go into your bloodstream." Eric tilted his head and looked at Jackie who actually seemed to know what she was talking about.

"What is it?" She shrugged her shoulders, but he knew that she knew.

"No spitting it out, you have to drink all of it, promise?" Jackie asked, Eric sighed as he slowly reached for the glass.

"Fine," he grumbled flatly, taking a rather large gulp. At the taste of her disgusting concoction, Eric felt his gag reflexes kick in and he covered his mouth with his hand. Closing his eyes and breathing slowly, he slowly calmed down his stomach and finally looked at Jackie. "What is that?" he asked bitterly.

"You have to drink it, Eric, or I'll kick you," Jackie growled.

"That's not-"

"Do it," Hyde warned quietly as he watched the two in front of him. Eric heeded his best friends warning and plugged his nose. Pressing the glass to his lips he quickly chugged down the dark, gritty liquid and nearly threw up once more. Yet once he set the glass down, the nausea subsided.

"Jackie... can I ask what was in that?" Eric asked softly, she bit her lip and sat down next to him.

"Charcoal." His eyes widened in horror and he pressed his fingers to his lips, trying to see if any of the residue would stain his hands.

"Are you... what the... why?" He asked in disgust.

"I told you, the charcoal will absorb the rest of the drugs so it won't go into your bloodstream, you're not going to die from it, so don't worry." Eric rolled his eyes at Jackie and lied back on his bed.

"Can you go?" He finally asked rather sharply. Jackie shook her head and glanced over at Hyde, who was still silent. Eric hoped he was okay, he was probably just trying to remember the past three days, or soaking in the facts, the truth. Like charcoal.

"I shouldn't, in case you try to kill yourself again," Jackie grumbled, then turned towards the window. "What are your parents going to say, Eric? Maybe you should go in to the hospital... I should have done that... Mrs. Forman is going to kill me..."

"She won't kill you," Eric murmured, "if anything, she'll kill me." Jackie chuckled softly.

"She has every right, Eric," Jackie murmured, and Eric sighed; she was right.

* * *

Eric could hear the light argument through the vent. His mind reeled at the thought of having to go into a treatment facility because he had acted on impulse rather than logic. But maybe it was what he needed.

He would go to bed alone, and he'd wake up tomorrow, alone. He didn't want to be alone, but Donna was never coming back... he knew that. And it killed him. He knew deep within that things would get better, but a part of him wanted this ache, and that's what scared him. It meant that he missed Donna. What if... one day he woke up and he didn't miss her as much? And the next he wouldn't think about her? Then in a week he wouldn't even remember her... God he didn't want that.

His parents were talking about inpatient treatment and irresponsibility, and temporarily unstable. Eric couldn't see him pinned down with these labels; Laurie, yes, but not him. Had he lost their high views of him? Were they disappointed with their potentially suicidal son? He wasn't suicidal... was he?

The thought of that even a week ago would make him sick. He had so much to live for, a baby coming, a beautiful wife, a perfect job, and a nice house. His parents were both proud of him and he and his friends were closer than ever. Things seemed to be going great. And now he wanted to off himself because he lost his wife. Donna was right, whether she was real or not. His friends needed him, and he needed them. But he also needed her... and she wasn't here.

Eric sighed and pulled up his blankets to his neck and curled up. He felt tears sting at his eyes yet he held them back. The twenty-one year old stared out the window into the bright light of the Pinciotti's porch light. His throat tightened and he closed his eyes, the tears finally trickled down his cheeks.

"God I need you, Donna..." he whispered, lip trembling as he fought back the next tears. He couldn't cry... not anymore. But he was so confused... what was he going to do?

The lightness of sleep began to tug him away from all consciousness and he felt a sense of peace. Maybe tonight he could actually sleep. As his mind drifted passed the dark clouds of depression and into the very blankness of deep slumber, he felt himself finally relax. Until his eyes shot open and he felt that pang of despair cringe within his gut. Was he really going insane? He glanced around as the echoes died down, leaving him alone without a glimmer of hope.

"I will always love you..."


	5. Acceptance

_Say you will not return_

_Sweetheart, since you flew away_

_I __have no summer_

_Only the worst of winter_

_Since I lost you..._

_

* * *

_

This nightmare had to end. This was the final step; the end. They had to get it over with. Maybe everyone could finally breathe. After all, the final arrangements had been made, after this... everyone could heal. Except him.

His bags were packed and placed by the door. He could still hear the hushed conversations and arguments that had carried on from the late hours of the night to the mid morning. No one could sleep; too much had happened.

Eric sighed woefully as he buttoned the second cuff of his black button down shirt. He didn't ever think he'd be dressing for his wife's funeral, yet here he was. Last night he considered leaving without a trace; drive until he ran out of gas... or ran off a bridge. But he had to be there one last time for Donna. Or at least her broken shell.

"Mrs. Forman, please? I- I have to do this."

"You can't, Steven, I already told you... I know you want to help as much as possible but-"

"Red asked me, I can do this."

"Sweetie, you're in no condi-"

"I couldn't talk at the wake last night, I have to do this... please mom?" He heard his mom sigh and knew she'd give in at that.

"Fine, but if you pass out I won't help you," Kitty weakly submitted.

Eric remembered hearing Jackie and Hyde's heated argument last night. He had heard her tell him everything that had happened within the five month time span he didn't remember. Every last detail. Jackie had argued that it was too much information to tell in one night and it could shock him; Hyde thought otherwise, he deserved to know.

Then he heard his parents talk to Jackie last night about what he had done- as if he were an uncontrollable burden. Maybe he was a burden. Then his mom and dad nearly fought last night as they discussed what they should do for him. Kitty fought for taking him to a psychologist or maybe a rehab center while Red fought back saying that a swift kick in the ass and a good talking to would set him straight.

The thing was... Eric didn't know what he needed. He didn't want anything he could have. Treatment wouldn't help, being doped up on the highest medicines wouldn't work; not even Leo's hallucinogens would work. And talking to a smart-ass shrink wouldn't help either. He didn't need anything except Donna. And he'd never have her.

As Eric lightly combed through his hair, there was a knock on his closed bedroom door. The twenty-two year old sighed softly and set down the rat tail comb, and walked slowly to the door. Taking a deep breath he turned the knob and met the eyes of Hyde. Eric noticed the sunglasses were nowhere to be found and his eyes were slightly bloodshot.

"Hey man," Hyde mumbled as he smiled sadly. Eric's lip twitched upwards momentarily. "You ready?" Eric shook his head and his breath quivered as he exhaled.

"No but I don't have a fucking choice, do I?" Hyde just stared at Eric as he spat the venomous-toned words. "I'm sorry, Hyde, I didn't-"

"Don't worry about it... I know you don't want to go, none of us do, but we have to... for Donna." Eric nodded and sniffled. "It'll be all right, man."

"I don't think so, Hyde, not this time," Eric whimpered, trying so hard not to cry in front of his best friend that loathed any sign of emotion. But he couldn't help it. As a tear finally escaped from the dam he had tried build in his eyelids, and Eric felt a pair of arms loosely wrap around him in a sympathetic hug. Eric realized that Hyde was trying his best to show how sorry he was and that he wasn't trying to hide his emotions like he usually did... and that made it worse.

"Forman, listen to me." Hyde finally barked gruffly. "I don't know how much it would hurt to lose someone you loved as much as Donna... I can only imagine with... anyway, but you gotta listen. Donna wouldn't want this from you, she'd want you to be as happy as possible. We all do, and hell I'm trying, I'm saying as many s's as I possibly can and sounding like an idiot!" Hyde joked, Eric smiled at that. "But Donna wouldn't want this from you. She'd want you to try to... cope. Not saying happy, but cope. We're here for you, Eric... you don't have to go through it alone." Eric laughed softly and smiled at his friend; he knew it took all the strength he had to say that.

"Thanks Hyde... hey will you say "Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore" for me?" Eric asked, grinning as Hyde glared at him.

"Fuck you," he grumbled, then walked out of the room, yet stopped at the railing by his door. "You coming?" He finally asked softly. Eric's smile faltered as the remote sensation of happiness flooded from his system once more. As he stepped out of the room, he took a deep breath and nodded.

"Yeah..."

* * *

Eric felt sick as he entered the church. His parents walked into the cathedral while Eric stayed behind in the lobby. There he found Bob, Midge, Tina, Valerie, Kelso, Hyde, and Fez. Eric was confused as to why his friends weren't seated already with their loved ones. But as soon as Fez switched places with Kelso to be next to his girlfriend, Eric caught on.

He couldn't peel his eyes away, no matter how hard he tried. The casket was right in front of him, his wife was in there, lying peacefully as if she were dreaming. But she wasn't. Eric felt a cold sweat douse him and his blood rush through his body.

"Eric, do you want to walk in with Midge?" Bob asked, his voice quaked with suppressed emotions. Eric gazed at the six in front of him, and didn't know what to do. He couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't think.

"Sure, Mr. Pincio-"

"You can call me Dad," as Bob spoke, he broke down into hysterical sobs and Eric trembled. This man who was always so happy, so... goofy was falling apart right in front of him. All this time he spent in his own isolated misery, Donna's own flesh and blood was silently grieving just as much as him.

Eric reached out and hugged Bob. The man squeezed him as he sobbed heavily into his shoulder. "My baby's gone, Eric!" The twenty-two year old felt a sharp pang in his gut as he tried to silently comfort this man who was always known for emotional displays. "She shouldn't have died, I shouldn't have to bury my child... it should be me!" He bellowed, tears streaming down his reddened face. Midge placed her hands gently on his shoulders and tearfully tried to coax him.

"I'm sorry..." Eric whispered, staring blankly at the couple in front of him falling apart. Valerie was silently quaking as she held her head in her hands, and Tina was burrowed into Fez. This was all the more reality to prove to him that he wasn't the only one who lost a constant.

And his friends, they were frozen. They were ashen faced and their eyes were stained red from either lack of sleep or secretly shed tears. It appeared that they had run days on end without a minute of sleep and were doing all they could to stay awake and strong.

Eric heard the church doors shut and his friends sigh mournfully. Fez kissed Tina's cheek quickly and squeezed her hand before letting go, and Kelso smiled sadly at Eric.

"Can you take Midge in for me?" Bob finally asked as calmly as he could. Eric nodded and grabbed his mother-in-law's hand. He realized now more than ever he had to be strong for everyone here. He had to show them... that things were going to be all right; even if he didn't believe it himself.

After Eric and Midge sat beside his parents, he glanced behind him. Every pew in the church was full of people and the walls echoed with the sounds of sniffles and sobs. His own mother was nearly having a nervous breakdown in his dad's arms. But what got everyone's attention was the six people slowly walking down the aisle with the casket; the truth, the proof that they all needed. Donna Pinciotti-Forman was dead.

He had never seen his two friends appear so serious; Fez and Kelso looked like stone structures with vacant eyes and straight lips. As Eric saw Donna's sisters among the pallbearers he knew that the feminist side of his wife would be prouder than ever. Bob was trying his hardest not to break down once more, but he wouldn't stop the tears that fell freely. Hyde just... looked like Hyde, there was nothing different about his composure.

Eric's heart beat faster as the six stopped in front of the altar and acted in a synchronized manner to place the casket in perfect position at the center on the first step. He watched as they each knelt with bowed heads, formed the sign of the cross and silently made their way to the pew in which the Formans, Jackie, Midge, Brooke, and Betsy sat in. The Pinciotti's sat with one another, with Fez as their addition, Kelso held tightly to Brooke and his daughter, Hyde ran his hand through Jackie's hair as she quietly wept, and Eric clutched his mom's hand as he watched the priest stand at the very front of the church.

Eric couldn't listen to this priest recite the memories he had created with Donna, the moments he and each of his friends had spent with her. He knew how wonderful she was, how amazing and smart and talented she had been. How positive and strong her goals were and the fact that she achieved them despite his constant lag was outstanding. That she married him, they had started a family and that her unexpected end was tragic and devastating to all. This man hadn't been there at all; it was his job to try to console people.

He didn't want to hear the bullshit this priest spouted about going off to a better place where she would be happier. Donna was happy here! She had so much going for her, a child, a great career, him... she had a life she was happy to lead and it was ripped from her. Ripped from all of them. And if anyone tried to tell him there was a reason for this, he wouldn't believe it. There wasn't a reason to take a newly wed soon-to-be mother from her life. If there was a God, he had a lot of explaining to do.

Eric had never doubted his faith. All his life he prayed and followed the biblical studies his mother made him learn. His family went to church nearly every Sunday and he had a pretty strong faith in God; that he'd always do what was right. All of his friends believed that, of course that excluded Hyde who didn't believe in anything. But maybe he was right. He always saw the dark side to things, the real side; if there was a god why would he allow innocent people to die? Especially in his name.

Finally the priest cleared his throat and made a slightly important announcement, one that Eric finally decided to listen to. He figured the guy must have a way with words by the way he made the congregation cry. "To end our proceedings, the Pinciotti family has decided to have one of Donna's closest friends speak in her memory." Everyone was silent as they looked around, trying to figure out who was going to speak. Eric wasn't sure who it was exactly, yet he had an idea. He turned his head to the left and his suspicion was right. He watched as the small brunette slowly made her way to the altar, make the sign of the cross, then stand at the front. Jackie adjusted the microphone to her height and sighed heavily as she wiped her eyes quickly.

"The Pinciotti's asked one of Donna's friends if he could speak in her memory, yet he was unable to due to personal reasons. Instead, he and I wrote down different thoughts and feelings for this day that we wish she could hear and that we hoped you would all find some light in.

Donna was my best friend. In school when I was younger, I was this snobby cheerleader who wouldn't talk to anyone in the gang who hung out in Eric's basement." He felt Jackie gaze at him momentarily as she paused. "That was until I started dating Michael Kelso. He introduced me to his friends, which included Donna. She was this girl who... frankly I couldn't stand. She was tall, red headed, she didn't wear makeup or girly clothes. But I envied her; she knew who she was and she had friends who loved her for that. Over time I began to hang out with them more and more and she and I grew closer and closer. I... I never really had a friend, a true friend, until I talked to Donna. She was... amazing. She was different from most girls... and although she did sometimes seem sort of boyish-" a few small chuckles spread through the room at that, "she was just a strong woman. Both physically as well as mentally," Jackie added with a smile. "Donna... she was my best friend. When my parents had... left me, she took me in, no questions asked. She cared about me as her sister, and she watched out for me my entire life. And then she went off to college, we talked a little less but we were still best friends. Then she called me and told me she and Eric got engaged, and she immediately asked her to be her maid of honor. I felt so honored; I know it should have gone to Valerie or Tina, but... the fact that she chose me, it made me feel like that we had this permanent connection that held us together, like sisters but not. And then, the night I got the call from Michael that he had reported an accident that was... my best friend, I felt broken inside. Like that connection had broken along with her. I didn't feel it when it happened, and I should have. But as he told me her fate, I just... I couldn't believe it. My best friend was... gone. But, I realized that although she was gone, I had her in my life. She helped form me into the woman I am today, she helped me through everything and I wouldn't be me if it weren't for her. I am so glad to have had Donna in my life, to guide me and to accept me despite our differences, and trust me, there were many. Although Donna is gone physically, I know she's still with us all. In the memories we have, the thoughts of her, if something reminds you of her, she's there. But most of all... she's with us in our hearts, and I know that's really cheesy to say, Steven but I don't care." Eric heard a soft chuckle from close by. She took a deep breath, glanced around the room and when she heard only a few faint cries or sniffles, Jackie continued. "Now, for the second part of this speech, which is much shorter but straight to the point written by one of Donna's first friends." Eric turned to face Hyde once more who just stared at his fiancee, his eyes slightly hazed over. He was unsure if he should be angry that the Pinciotti's hadn't asked him to speak, yet he knew if they had that he wouldn't be able to. It would be too hard for him to stand up in front of hundreds of people and reassure them that everything was okay. Eric wasn't sure if he should be a little angry or jealous of Hyde, yet Hyde was just as close to Donna as he was, minus the romantic attachment. They had grown up together, too, and sometimes Hyde helped her more than Eric had. Besides, he made him lose five months of memory.

"Donna knew me more than anyone else. She helped me feel that I wasn't alone and that there was someone who actually cared about me when I deemed that impossible. Donna could tell when something was wrong even if I just blinked- she was like that with everyone. Sometimes it scared me half to death but I knew she meant well and I knew I could trust her. Without Donna, I wouldn't be where I am today, I don't even want to think about that. But today, we are all here to mourn the loss of that special girl; whether she was our best friend, our wife, daughter, sister, best friend, or just that chick we saw every now and then in the hallway with the really good grades and potential. We all knew her differently, but we all knew that she was a strong, independent woman who was compassionate and loving. I know for a fact that Donna wouldn't want us to cry or hurt because of her. And while she is gone, I knew that she would want us to know she's watching over us and well, probably yelling at us. I also know that Donna would want us all to leave today knowing she was truly at peace. That though we are hurting now, that pain will eventually fade, but our memories won't. She'll always be there."

Jackie's voice ended Hyde's part of the speech with a wavering voice full of emotion. Tears had began to stream down her face after reading the very first few sentences and although she was crying in front of a whole church and her makeup was running, that she would be strong and finish it. That was more than Eric could do. She bowed one more time in front of the altar, then ran to find comfort in her fiancee's arms.

Once more, the priest stood in front of the mass of people and pressed his hands together.

"With a heavy heart, I tell you that this concludes the services for Donna Marie Pinciotti-Forman. I hope you all remember her as the girl you knew, and will continue to carry her memory throughout time. Please close your eyes for our final prayer:

Heavenly Father,  
you have not made us for darkness and death,  
but for life with you forever.  
Without you we have nothing to hope for;  
with you we have nothing to fear.  
Speak to us now your words of eternal life.  
Lift us from anxiety and guilt  
to the light and peace of your presence,  
and set the glory of your love before us;  
through Jesus Christ our Lord.  
Amen."

Once the final prayer was said, Eric heard the six pallbearers stand and walk to the front of the church once more. With their same blank expressions, they each held onto a handle of the casket and carried it down the aisle of the church. Many people bowed their heads or made the sign of the cross as they walked passed. Once they were out of sight, his parents stood up. Eric followed lead, although when he was supposed to walk, he waited. For Jackie.

The twenty-one year old smiled weakly at him and when he offered his hand, she slowly took it. He could feel her shaking as they slowly walked in front of the congregation, and squeezed her hand in reassurance. The two walked out of the church and down the steps where his parents were halted while they waited for the pallbearers to step safely on solid ground.

While Eric waited for the attendees to come up to him and his family to express their sorrows, Jackie let go of his hand and ran down the steps to wait for Hyde. Eric turned his attention to his friends who were now lifting the casket into the back of the hearse. Eric's stomach squirmed with nausea as he thought of what... who was in there. But he couldn't. Not right now.

As the stream of mourners poured from the church, they came up to the immediate family members and expressed the sympathy Eric didn't want to hear. Bob told them that they could go to their house for the reception at 4:30 if they chose to. Eric knew his mom had done most of the cooking for that; it was her way of coping and Bob was more than willing to have her do that.

Eric looked for his friends, yet found them comforting the people that meant most to them. Kelso was holding a three year old Betsy to his side and embracing Brooke who was still weeping. Fez was sitting with Tina on the stairs and wiping away her tears, which made the nineteen year old girl smile. Jackie was clinging to Hyde as she sobbed into his chest, and Eric could see him whispering in he ear. And Eric had no one.

"Honey..." Eric turned and wrapped his arms around his mom.

"Mom, I don't know what I'm going to do..." Eric whimpered as Kitty rubbed his back soothingly.

"I know baby, it'll be okay, I love you so much..." she half cooed, half sobbed. Eric nodded and kissed her temple. "We'll figure it out, you just... don't worry, okay baby?" Eric laughed softly and nodded as he watched his mom try to compose herself.

"Okay," he murmured, unsure of what else to say. But would they figure it out? What was there to figure out? That he was a mess and he needed help? Eric didn't want help, he just wanted his wife back.

* * *

Eric shivered as he stood in the cold January afternoon. His eyes were stinging once more from the hot tears that had welled in his eyes. He felt a large knot in his throat that prohibited all talking, and his heart felt like it had lowered into his stomach. The sinking feeling wouldn't pass.

He felt an arm rest on his shoulder and he turned around. He met the eyes of his father, who always was forcing back tears. As Eric saw the man who was always so strong in such a weakened state, Eric blinked, causing the tears to fall freely from his eyes. He bowed his head and took a deep, shaky breath, hoping he wasn't an embarrassment to his father. The soft squeeze on his shoulder told him that he was anything but.

The small group of people gathered were Donna's extended family, close college friends, a few teachers, and her godparents. The rest of the mourners had gone to Bob's house for the reception, which had been in charge of one of Donna's cousins until the family returned. The priest who had been at the funeral now stood beside the tombstone that had been engraved and set in the earth only a day before. Eric's eyes met the beautiful calligraphy that was written in the marble and a whimper escaped him.

**_Donna Marie Pinciotti-Forman  
Born April 13, 1959- Died January 8, 1983_**

**_She never took no for an answer and pushed  
ahead when others paused. But a kinder, gentler  
woman you will never meet again. _**

It was perfect, so fitting for her. Eric sighed and gazed into the six foot hole in front of them. It was perfectly dug and from it the scent of cold earth filled bitter air. His heart twinged in misery as he realized that Donna would lie there... forever.

The sound of a door slamming was heard and everyone's attention turned to the pallbearers, who although arrived first, waited five minutes after the last car arrived to walk over with the casket. The sound of woe filled the air as they solemnly walked closer and closer, just like they were marble statues, too.

The six stopped beside the hole and stood, staring forward as they still held onto the entombing structure.

Finally, the priest cleared his throat and opened a small book. After reading over the words silently, he outstretched one arm ('just like they always do,' Eric thought with a scoff) and began to read the already written committal prayer.

"Having given thanks for the life of our sister Donna, we now commit her mortal body to the ground: to be cremated, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died, was buried, and rose again for us. To him be glory for ever."

Eric heard his heart pound furiously in his head, could feel every pulse and rush of blood through his body as he watched the scene in front of him. All thoughts were blank, he couldn't see or care about anyone else, except watching that dark casket slowly descend into the dark, cold earth. He heard his father whisper to Kitty who was sobbing loudly into his shoulder. Eric's eyes found Bob who was crying along with most of the other pallbearers as they lowered their daughter, sister, and best friend into the ground.

"My baby..." they could hear Bob whisper repeatedly. Finally the soft thud was heard as the casket rested safely, peacefully on the soil. Valerie and Tina rushed to their fathers arms, and he held his oldest and youngest daughter to him tightly as they wept.

"Eric," his head turned to Hyde who was staring straight at him. His eyes were red, yet no tears had fallen. Eric watched as Hyde nodded for him to stand by Fez and Kelso, and then turned to Jackie as well.

With legs of rubber, Eric dragged his lifeless body over to his friends who were trying to stay strong, yet were failing. The five stood at the front of the grave, with Bob, Valerie and Tina on the other side. Eric and Jackie watched as the priest picked up a handful of earth, and nodded. Almost in a synchronized motion, the six pallbearers bent down, and motioned for Jackie and Eric to as well. The eight each had a clump of dirt within their hands. After the priest lightly sprinkled it over the casket, he gave another nod. As they dusted the decorated coffin with the dark soil, mumbles of last words each of them would want to say to Donna were heard. Eric finally whimpered, "I love you, Donna." and uncurled his fingers. He watched as the dark dirt slowly slid between his fingers, almost like an hourglass, slowly falling onto the oak casket.

Once more the priest looked onto the small crowd and declared, "Go in peace: the blessing of God, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit be amongst you and remain with you always. Amen."


	6. Alive

**_Epilogue:_**

**_The Princess and the Angel. _**

Two years had passed. Two of the worst years of Eric Forman's life.

After the funeral, every memory was sketchy. The scars on his fingertips were the only way he believed what his friends and family told him was real.

He had started with acid pills from Leo; no one seemed to notice. That was until Hyde talked to Leo who spilled the beans and then forced Eric to confess. He had promised he'd stop the acid; but that wouldn't stop him from using. He quit buying from Leo and met a hard dealer at Charlies; small world that everyone lived in, the guy turned out to be one of Hyde's "uncles." The man gave him amphetamines and opiates- heroin and meth. Every day he would shoot up, every night he'd snort. For six months. Until someone placed a call to the Forman's house about possession of illegal drugs. He remembered being pinned tot he floor by Kelso and Hyde, who handcuffed him and then raided every last corner of his room until they found the syringes and bags of powder.

Then his father disowned him until he got his act together. He broke his mother's heart when Kelso dragged him out of the door to the Madison rehab facility. The withdrawals were the worst; Eric was put in isolation and sometimes the nurses had to tie him to the bed while he fought off the torturous effects of the drugs. His body itched and ached, and the hunger was unbearable; no matter how much he ate, he was always hungry and it wasn't like the munchies.

Hyde had visited him after the first week in the rehab center. He remembered how loud Hyde had screamed at him for being so irresponsible and that he wasn't the one who was supposed to turn out like this. That Donna would be so upset with him as everyone else was. That day was the first time Eric had seen Hyde cry. He then apologized for not getting him help after the funeral and that they had been through too much for it to end like this.

Six more months passed. His friends took him to meetings, support groups, and tried their best to help him as much as he could. His mom had forced him to go to counseling, which turned out to not be as bad as he thought it would be. Doing that and proving to Red that he had truly changed helped him forgive his son for what he had done; although Eric was now trying to repair the broken relationship they had. Hyde had allowed him to work with him until he earned enough money to pay for an apartment on his own and start a new life teaching once more.

Without his friends, Eric realized he would be dead. He would have gone off without anyone knowing and somehow died. But they had been there for him, they had helped him more than anyone, and he was eternally grateful.

Jackie had introduced him to something he would never think about doing until now. They sat for hours filling out the paper work, and all of the meetings he had gone to, she had tagged along. Since the funeral and Hyde helping him (by allowing him to live with them) Jackie and Eric had developed a strong friendship, like brother and sister. Once the paperwork was finalized, Eric realized this was real life, that this was actually happening. Other than marrying Donna, he felt that this was the best decision he had ever made in his life.

...

* * *

...

"Where we going?" A tiny chipmunk voice asked chipperly in the backseat of Jackie and Hyde's car. Eric turned to look at the little girl with straight black hair and smiled sadly.

"You know the pictures at home?" Eric asked, and Jess nodded. "That's my wife, who was an amazing and wonderful woman," and the little girl gasped.

"Was she a princess?" Eric smiled and nodded.

"Yes Jess, she was a princess, she was my princess. Her name was Donna." He watched as Jess's brown eyes lit up in awe, and nodded vigorously for him to continue.

"But one day, the angels took her from me, she had to go to heaven," Jackie turned around now and smiled at Eric with tears in her eyes.

"Why?" Eric stared at his young adopted daughter and shook his head. He didn't even know the answer to that himself.

"That's easy," Hyde piped up as he stopped at the stoplight. Eric glanced up and caught Hyde's wink, "Princess Donna had to go rule all of the other princesses." Eric sighed with relief; he had to get used to the fact that Hyde was actually a good father. The years of his sarcastic comments and careless mannerisms had caused Eric to believe he'd never be a father, and if he would be, he'd be blunt and tell them the honest truth. But they all proved wrong when Jackie announced her pregnancy three months after Donna's death. Their two year old was now sleeping on the other side of Eric.

"Will I meet her?" Jess asked innocently, Eric hesitated before nodding his head.

"Of course, hon, just not for a long time." At that, his daughter's face fell and he ruffled her hair. She stuck her tongue out at him then giggled when he mocked tears.

"Daddy I didn't mean to!" She cried in between her fits of hysterics. Eric slowly peeked between his hands and then quickly planted a kiss on the little girl's forehead. Jess squealed and kissed Eric's cheek. "You never told me," She finally announced.

"What?" Eric asked, tilting his head in curiosity.

"I asked where we going?" Eric nodded and sighed heavily.

"Today was the day Princess Donna went to heaven, and we're going to go visit her."

"But you said she's in heaven!" Eric turned to the couple in the front seat who were just as quiet as him. Finally Jackie turned around.

"Jess, when you go to heaven, it's like you're a butterfly. You leave the body you're in but the one you have in heaven is so much more beautiful."

"So we're callerpillars?"

"Caterpillars, and no."

"Forman, lighten up; let her say 'callerpillar'. Hey Jessi, did your dad ever tell you about the time I made him eat a callerpillar?"

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Eric shut the car door and took a deep breath. He hadn't been here for awhile and this was his first time taking Jess. Nervous was an understatement. It was almost as if standing even in the cemetery, Donna was watching him, yelling at him, crying, and forgiving him for all that he did in the past two years. He had been a mess then and now... now he had a life to take care of, a reason to live.

Jess tugged on his shirt and he sighed softly. Bending down, he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her in his arms. She giggled and nuzzled her head on his shoulder and he smiled.

"I hear your heart," she chirped, he smiled and nodded.

"That's good," Eric replied, gently tickling her sides. As she laughed, he walked slowly up to where Jackie and Hyde had met with his parents.

"There's my little girl!" Kitty cried with happiness as Eric finally caught up to the gathered group. Jess squealed and outstretched her arms to Kitty, who quickly scooped her up and planted kisses all over her face. Eric glanced at his father and smiled softly, and Red nodded back.

"Nana!" A sad cry was heard below and Eric saw the curly haired brunette that was clinging to Hyde's leg fall on the ground in a tantrum. Eric chuckled as his brother rolled his eyes and knelt on the ground, and had the "daddy/daughter talk of jealousy." Jackie watched with a gleam in her eye and Eric sighed happily.

If he had heard that he'd be smiling and laughing two years ago, he would has laughed in someone's face. The death of Donna had consumed him and withered him away to a nothing and he didn't want a part of this life. But if he had died, if he had given up on everything and everyone, he wouldn't be able to experience this day, this moment, with a smile on his face... with the ones he loved.

And he knew deep down that Donna was watching, guiding him. Even if it was subconsciously, he knew she was there. The nights when he felt alone and the tears almost fell, he could almost hear he say that she loved him. Whenever he looks at pictures of her and him that were placed through the apartment, he'd remember the moments. The happy and the sad. And eventually, the pain had left him. There were times where he felt the pang of loneliness and missed Donna, but that was only natural. Jackie had been right; he was happier to have had her and lost her than never have had her at all.

"Katy," he heard Hyde's gruff voice, now more stern. "You know nana loves you more than anything. She just has an equal love for Jess-"

"But that not fair!"

"I don't like your tone," Hyde pouted his lower lip and closed his eyes. Eric watched as Katy snickered then hit her dad's mouth. While Hyde laughed, Jackie gasped.

"Kathryn Dawn!" Jackie barked, making both Hyde and Katy turn to face her. "Do you want a time out?" Katy started to cry once again and Hyde sighed heavily as she burrowed into him.

Another set of car doors slammed and the five adults turned their attention to the parking lot. Kelso came bounding up wearing a grin on his face and waving his arms.

"Where's my god daughter?" Kelso cried, panting as he slowed to a halt next to Eric. Jess giggled and waved at Kelso who beamed at the small child still nuzzled in Kitty's arms.

"Dad, you're so weird," six-year-old Betsy grumbled as she walked up with her mother. Brooke smiled apologetically at her husband who shrugged his shoulders; they all knew he was weird.

"It's to counter act your mom's smarts, Bets," he replied, earning a confused look from his daughter. "Fez will be here in a few minutes with Tina. Valerie isn't coming because of the snowstorm in Milwaukee." Kelso informed the group.

After the funeral, Tina and Fez had stayed together, two years later they were happily engaged. Valerie had moved to Milwaukee with her boyfriend and no one heard much from her. Bob moved to California with Midge because he couldn't handle living in the house Donna had had her fist steps in. He called occasionally, but no one knew much about him anymore.

"So... do we want to go up or wait for Fez and Tina?" Eric asked suddenly to break the silence. Everyone glanced at each other, unsure of what to say.

"We'll wait for Fez and Tina, Eric, but if you want to go up..." Kitty trailed off, Eric nodded and waved goodbye to Jess who was silent.

As Eric walked up the hill by himself, he felt his stomach squirm. A part of him wanted to run back to the car and wait until his friends and family had visited, but another, much stronger part of him told him to continue up the hill. Taking a deep breath, Eric pocketed his hands and slowly made his way through the snow-covered cemetery.

It wasn't difficult for him to find Donna's grave at all, he had the spot memorized. Even two years later there was still the mound of dirt from the burial; the grass hadn't grown over yet, and the snow just piled on top of it. The marble shone brightly in the sunny January day and appeared far brighter than any of the other tombstones. Eric's heart thudded rapidly in his chest and his hands twitched with nervousness.

As he stared at the small headstone, Eric sighed heavily. For the first time, tears hadn't welled in his eyes and he was actually rather happy today.

"Donna... I hope you can hear me," Eric murmured, kneeling next to the marble stone. "I'm always afraid you can't, but you said you'll always be with me... so I figure you can hear me. I know the last time I came was bad... and I'm sure you were so angry at me. But things have gotten better now... a lot better. And I know that you're watching over me because if you weren't I wouldn't be standing here today. I would be buried right next to you. And... I remember when I wanted that. But now I have Jess, and she... she's my life. I have a reason now, and you said I would. I know you helped me find Jess and God, Donna, thank you so much. I miss you so much though, not a day goes by that I don't think about you... but it doesn't hurt so bad anymore. I've been teaching since September, and I got an apartment in Kenosha for now... but I'm looking to move back to Point Place, funny, huh?" Eric chuckled, then turned his head when he heard soft talking. He coughed as he saw his family and closest friends slowly making their way towards him; like they were intentionally walking slow. They always did that. "Donna... I know you're still with me, and I love you, so much. I always will... and I can't wait to see you... but I'm not looking to do that any time soon. You showed me that I have a reason to live, that I have a life. With mom and dad, and Kelso, Hyde, and Jackie helping me as much as they did... you were right. Then you helped find Jess, and... she's perfect. But I couldn't do it without you, hon. I have a beautiful angel up there watching me, and a precious angel down here showing me how to live each day, and I am so glad to be alive."


End file.
